Zan
Am I a freak or do other people have dreams where they can detect certain scents? Because, sometimes I can smell the cologne of the person standing over me. Except, it’s a dream, again, and there is no person. My attacker had worn a distinctive fragrance. As had my grandfather. Old Bay, his was. That scent was never gonna leave my nose.
I was hoping Trevor being home might help with the dreams. If nothing else, I could borrow one or two of his sleeping pills. He always needed to refill his prescription when he got home and usually left that to me.
The coffee maker finished spitting and sputtering, and I poured a cup and started to sort through the mail stacked up on the counter when I heard Olivia’s ring coming from my purse. “Hola, Olivia.”
“You are silly, Zannie,” she said. “That is my line, is it not? Did I wake you? If so, I am sorry, but I wondered how you were doing. It is cold there, too, is it not?”
“You didn’t wake, me. I’m always up early. These monsters want to be fed. It is cold, but my weather report says it’s warmer here than Chicago.”
“Those puppies must have been happy to see you, no? And Trevor? When is he coming home?”
“They were, and Trevor’s home in eight days. And you’re full of questions, Missy. You sound nervous. Not like yourself. What’s going on?”
“In a moment. First I must know if you are still struggling with your decision to tell Trevor—”
I pulled myself up on the kitchen island stool, blew on my coffee to cool it, and felt the knot in my gut tighten. “For the record, I was never struggling. I’m convinced I’m handling it the right way. I appreciate your concern, but you, Mamacita, are trying to wiggle out of answering me. If I remember right, you had a pressing problem, didn’t you? Your sister’s relapse, your niece and nephew coming to live with you? What’s the latest on that?”
Then Olivia spoke up. She sounded alarmed, for her. “Dios Mio. So much more has happened, Zannie. My sister has been arrested—”
“What? For what?”
“Purchasing cocaine. With her arrest, now I must file in court to be allowed to provide emergency residence for her children. I need an attorney, and a decision must be made. In only a few days I will hopefully know more and will be better able to answer your question.”
I got down off the stool and scooped some dry dog food into the three bowls. “How have the kids taken it?”
“That is just it. They don’t know yet. They know only of her relapse, which prompted them to come to me in the first place. Now, I must do this thing in the courthouse to protect them from being removed from my home. I have lied to them, Zan. I have never done that.”
As the dogs crunched away, I wandered into the hall. “You didn’t lie to them, Olivia, you just—”
“It is a lie by omission—to not tell them of their mother’s arrest.”
“You had a good reason, didn’t you? Who would want to be sent off to school with that hanging over their head?”
“But I was taking a risk. There is a small chance they will find out today at school.”
“Oh, I don’t think so. What are the odds that someone would even know that? I mean, wouldn’t that be—”
“This is true, you are right, but I must be assured that Family Services will not be at our home to take them away when they get back from school.”
“Do you need anything from me?” I looked out the side panel of the front door at the bright day, wondering what in God’s name I could do for her.
“Just telling you has helped me. But you? This thing you have been dealing with? It has been … horrible. And you have a husband but have borne the brunt of this trauma all alone. I feel bad for you, Zan. Please do not misunderstand—”
“I know, I know. None of you were actually pressuring me to tell Trevor. You simply think I need his support. There must be something in me that knows that with a normal marriage, it would be the right thing to do, you know?”
“Zan, in my experience, there are no ‘normal’ marriages, not that I have ever—”
“Yeah, I know, and most husbands would’ve noticed my changed behavior, but he’s not ‘most husbands’. I keep wanting to say, ‘I was raped’, just blurt it out, and let the chips fall where they may. But then my logical brain tells me he might—” I leaned against the wall for support.
“Are you afraid he will leave you? That he will not accept this thing?”
“Here’s the thing, Olivia, I’m not sure if he can hear that and still look at me the same, you know?”
“Oh, mi amor, I am so sorry. But you have a therapist, do you not?”
“I do. Mindy. I haven’t seen her in—oh, eight or nine months?” I slid down and sat on the floor.
“Zan, you should call her and make an appointment. She will help you with this. She might advise you to come in with Trevor. What do you think?”
“That makes me nervous as hell, that’s what I think.” The dogs had long since stopped eating, so I stood up and walked back into the kitchen. They were cleaning up the floor around their bowls, tails wagging, ready for whatever was next.
Olivia was still trying to help. “Well, at least you could call her and see her by yourself before he comes, could you not?”
That made perfect sense. “I could. I will. It’s a plan. I love plans.”
“You are making me smile. It feels good.”
“My purpose in life, girlfriend. Thanks.”
“For?”
“Just being you. But listen, Olivia, you keep me up to date on your legal thing, please.”
“Of course. I have arrived at work now and must go.”
“Alright. Take care.”
“Love you.”
She disconnected before I could tell her I loved her too. I did love her—loved all of them in different ways. I wished I hadn’t kept so many secrets from them sometimes, but then when I told them one, look how they jumped on it. All they wanted was for me to take better care of myself. My inner self. I knew that, but it wasn’t something I was used to doing.
I looked around the kitchen. The dogs were lying in a semi-circle in the sun slanting in through the sliders. Aramis, responding to the silence, raised his head to look at me, and the light behind him made a thistledown halo of his soft white fur. Pain stabbed me in the gut, and a sob caught in my throat. Okay, so I’d call Mindy.
Olivia
Mr. Drakos’s car was parked in his place. This was good news, as I hoped to meet with him this morning. I went first to his office where Simone, his assistant, was arranging her desk for the day. After we exchanged pleasantries, I asked her to schedule a meeting with him early as she could. The business I had at the courthouse needed to be soon, if Officer Rivers was correct.
When I arrived at my office, my assistant gave me such a warm greeting that I knew I had been missed. He had opened my office and left a white pastry bag on my desk.
“How about coffee to go with that?” He asked, as he stood.
“You have heard, have you not, that you are not to be bringing me goodies, nor waiting on me.”
“Yeah, I think I heard something about that. Now do you want coffee or not?”
“That would be lovely. And, Matthew?”
“Ma’am?”
“I am expecting a call from Simone in Mr. Drakos’ office. I need to go and see him. If I’m not at my desk when you return—”
“I’ll know where you are.”
He headed in the direction the kitchen. Along the hallway I could hear laughter.
I opened my email and began to attend to it. There were many emails in my primary tab. Those messages needing my immediate answers were easy to resolve. I forwarded several emails to recruiting, several more to benefits and records, and filed the ones that could await my attention.
Matthew returned and delivered my coffee with a sweeping gesture while I was talking on the phone. Our sign language effectively expressed my appreciation and his dismissal of same. Ruby would have called him “cheeky.”
~~~
At 8:45 Simone telephoned to advise me that Mr. Drakos was available to speak with me. He sat behind his lovely, old wood desk that he had used from the beginning. I was happy to see that he looked well and said so.
“Thank you, Olivia. You seem refreshed as well. I hope you enjoyed your time off. Please, take a seat.”
As I sat, I told him that my time away had been most pleasant. I thought about my friends and all their troubles. None of us was without difficult circumstances. This was not how we imagined our lives would go when we were young.
He set his pen down and looked directly at me. “Now then, how can I help you?”
I sat facing him at the edge of a chair much too large for me. “Mr. Drakos, I am afraid I have some sad news.”
He looked concerned. “What is it? Are you alright?”
“Yes, sir, I am fine. It is my sister—she has been arrested. For buying drugs.” I was sure he remembered that time years ago when I first gave him news of her addiction and he had paid for her treatment. I had been with him only two years at that time.
“Oh, no, how terrible,” He said. He stood, came around his desk and sat beside me, reaching for my hand. I placed my hand in his. “I’m terribly sorry, Olivia. This is such bad news.”
As he held my hand warmly in both of his large soft hands, I feared I might cry. “Thank you for your concern, Mr. Drakos. You are correct, this is terrible news—especially for her children, Matias and Mariella. They are with me presently.”
He released my hand and leaned back. “Exactly where they should be. And I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
“Yes, this is true. And it is my primary concern. In order to keep them with me, I am required file for an emergency motion this morning so they will not be placed in foster care.”
“I see your need for expediency, Olivia. How can I help?”
“Sir, I am sorry, but I need an attorney for this, and I know of no one. I am pressed for time and would be grateful if you could recommend one for me, one who could do this thing today.”
“Of course—”
“And I will be needing some time away from the office, but it will not be much.” I was speaking much too rapidly but felt I could not stop. “I did not wish to bother you with this, sir. I know you are not comfortable with scandal, and—”
“Olivia, it’s fine. You were right to come to me.” He stood and went back to his seat behind his desk and began to tap on some keys.
“But if people find out—”
“Never mind about that. As I’ve said before, and surely not often enough, I like to think we’re all family here at Drakos. And as such, you have my complete support.”
“That is so kind—”
“Listen here, I’ll contact my good friend Tom Cochrane. He’s in family law and he’ll be happy to help you.”
“Of course I will pay—”
“I’m not worried about that, not for a minute. Tell me, how’s your nephew, Olivia?”
“He is excellent, sir, and he loves his car—”
“Is he a good driver?”
“He is a careful driver, sir.”
“I’m glad.” He nodded his head, and I knew he would not directly mention gifting Matias that car, nor would he want me to do so. When he jotted some words on a pad of paper, that was surely my signal to depart. I stood up, turned to leave, and then turned back. “I am most grateful for your understanding, Mr. Drakos.”
He looked up and gave me a bright and sincere smile. “We’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we? A little over twenty years now, right? You, Olivia, are an integral part of our family here, you know that, I hope. And important to our success.” He looked as if he was remembering our early days of struggle, as was I. His fair treatment of others was a model for every boss everywhere. And then he spoke up, loudly, “Simone?” I jumped, proving how nervous I was.
She came to stand in the open doorway. “Yes, sir?”
“Would you get Tom Cochrane on the line, please?”
“Right away,” she said, and as I left, she was already on the phone.
Before an hour had passed, the attorney Mr. Cochrane called me. He asked me some questions, and I could hear computer keys clicking as I answered them. I told him that I had gathered the children’s birth certificates, and my own, along with my notes about the times they had come to me when my sister had relapsed. There was a pause, and then he said, “Good. That’s good.” Then he agreed to meet me at the courthouse.
~~~
Mr. Cochrane was a tall, white-haired man who was filled with confidence and purpose. He did not falter at any turn, and at 11:20 we filed an ex parte emergency protection order. He told me that what we had done would not keep Family Services from visiting, but it would allow Matias and Mariella to live in my house without interference until the hearing. This would be in three weeks and three days. He assured me he would be here to assist me on that day.
“Have a good rest of your day, Ms. Santana, and stop worrying,” he said, as he dashed down the courthouse steps into the bright morning, clearly at ease in this world so strange to me.
~~~
When I returned from the courthouse, I purchased a sandwich from the small shop on the first floor of the Drakos Building. Although it was cold out, the sun was shining and there was little wind. I buttoned my coat, walked to the park across the street, sat on the bench, and opened my lunch. I took a bite, but I had to place my lunch beside me, for I could not swallow.
I bowed my head and prayed, “Blessed Mother, please help me. This thing that I am doing, it is of enormous consequence, and I need your help. I am afraid to disappoint my abuela by repudiating my sister. Please show me I am doing Your will.” My heart hurt so, and tears threatened to spill from my eyes. Then, as I reached into my bag for tissues, my phone buzzed in my purse. It was Ruby.
Pat Ponders Life 