I decided to check out the definitions of conservative, as well as liberal, because I have a couple of Republican/conservative friends who viewed Trump with abhorrence, and granted even though they haven’t re-defined themselves a liberal by any means, they sure don’t believe he represents conservative values at all. Those people I think of (naturally) as having used their powers of observation and their ability to reason to come to that opinion. Trump, it seems is where the rubber meets the road—not conservativism.  Google defines conservative as “averse to change or innovation and holding traditional values”. However, “traditional values” is a little vague to me, so once again Google seems to be clear enough: values especially of a traditional or conservative kind which are held to promote the sound functioning of the family and to strengthen the fabric of society.” Or: “values held to be traditionally taught or reinforced within a family, such as those of high moral standards and discipline.” God, then what are “high moral standards?” Maybe this doesn’t cover everything, but I would have to include honesty: being truthful and sincere; integrity: sticking to your moral and ethical principles and values; and kindness: being considerate and treating others well. And, I bet believing in God and going to church are requirements for being conservative, don’t you think? But that is truly sticky, because I have plenty of liberal friends who believe in God and go to church—just not Evangelical churches, and very few are Catholics. Digging out how “Christians” ended up believing in Trump as the savior of the American Way is something I’m still confused about.

I’m forced to agree that it is indeed ironic that one definition of liberal is “willing to respect behavior or opinions different from one’s own,” when I and most of my liberal friends are unwilling to accept Trump’s behavior and his opinions. Webster takes a broader view of liberal that includes generous and openhanded, broad-minded, not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or traditional forms. Ahh, the word traditional pops up again, which I suppose is part of the schism. We liberals apparently don’t care about tradition so much. We (or at least I) think change is inevitable and would rather accept that and work to adjust to it, maybe even enjoy the exciting lessons we can learn from change than to fight it and wish it would go away so that things could go back to ‘the way they were in the good old days’, which by the way weren’t good at all for some, but perhaps very good for pale faces with jobs and homes—people like me, as a matter of fact. Liberalism, I think, is a political philosophy based on belief in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, the autonomy of the individual, and free enterprise, but with government playing a crucial role in addressing social inequities (race, gender and class). Me, to a tee.

But I don’t want to be as strident as I am. When and if I post on social media, I want to speak in a respectful way—as if my opponent was in front of me. Because, it’s true, I have to accept that my desire to make people see ‘the error of their ways’ is as strong in them as it is in me. They believe I’m wrong and they are right, just as I do, even though we are at polar opposite positions. We see the world through a different paradigm, and yet we are equally convinced in the veracity of our opinions. I want to believe that most of Trump’s followers are not bad people who want to do harm. In fact, I believe they see the country as ailing and needing help, which they believe he can give it. I just don’t see why or how. I’m lost as to how to open that dialogue and honestly not even sure I should. Maybe I don’t need to understand. Maybe we just need to leave each other be. Maybe I need to be a true liberal and stop trying to address every form of difference and accept people the way they are. No single human or group of humans merits my attention as much as saving our planet. That is so much more dire than reconciling our differences. When we’re all living on a melting planet that is on fire or flooding and trying to cast off the offenders,, rightfully so, shouldn’t that take priority? We’ll see.

Many years ago, as the director of a program for women starting over after a major life upheaval, I once organized a big shindig with some minor celebrities—a small group of women who had been married to Hollywood stars (men) who had left them for a newer model. Three of the gals were in Palm Beach County and I invited them to speak to our group of maybe 300 clients.

One of them was Patti Lewis, the other Cindi Landon, and I can’t remember the third, but Patti had a story to tell that had nothing to do with her ex, Jerry Lewis. The group had been speaking all over the country to women’s groups, often women who had been cast aside as had they, and whose self-esteem had admittedly taken a hit.

Patti told a story about a time in Las Vegas when, as luck would have it, she lost a crown on a front tooth the night before they were to go on. She said she moaned and cried and cursed and almost didn’t go. But she had an epiphany, not one that would embroider well on a pillow, but one that was universally true: “I am not my tooth.”

The worth of her, the sum total of her value to the world, did not rest on a missing front tooth. She mattered more than that. She kept her date with the audience, missing tooth and all. And, she used it.

My group, all happily willing to identify all their flaws, defining themselves by them even, got the message. As did I.

From that great example, I expanded on my truth and have tried, really tried, to keep it in mind as life has it’s way with my body, both through my overindulgences and surgeries and general wear and tear.

And here is my point:

Our bodies are not our selves, in spite of evidence to the contrary.

Our bodies are the package, the vessel, that carries our Self into and through the journey of this particular life on this particular planet at this particular time. You didn’t choose your package; it chose you. And then it did its job. You? You are the gift inside the package.

Some would prefer to use the term soul. Fine. I’m more attached the essence of who I am—my energy, perhaps—my spark, or my creative urge. Maybe even just my personality. That personality has in some ways changed over the years and in others it is still the same as when I was first aware.

If you get down on yourself for gained weight or wrinkles or sagging skin, or aching joints, stop, and maybe just be grateful that your package has taken you this far. Say thank you.