I was commenting to my acupuncturist that it feels strange to wake up every morning without dreading the latest assault on decency. To not approach the news with my shoulder muscles tensed wondering what new dastardly deed the man in the oval office had foisted on the public. What horrible atrocity had spewed from his tiny mouth.

And she reminded me of something.

We survived a traumatic event. Our minds, bodies, and souls felt it and absorbed the negative energy from it. And we are still dealing with it. Like tiny pieces of shrapnel.

We have to acknowledge that we have been at war. Sanity prevailed, we won the final battle, and our side is in charge now. But it’s hardly over. The enemy continues to make noise and his soldiers continue to harass and intimidate. Even though they are no longer in power doesn’t mean they don’t have power.

For four years we were bombarded with the message that we were enemies because we didn’t agree with the scorched earth policies of the administration. Because we took a more generous, more tempered, more compassionate path, we were suckers and losers and traitors. Told we didn’t want America to be great again–great with Christianity as the official religion, great with the requirement that everyone stand, hand over heart, in deference to the flag, great in the recognition that whites founded this country and were superior in every way to anyone of color or from a foreign land. Great in that the leader of the free world was God’s gift. He would fix what was wrong with this country and make us strong and proud again. If we didn’t agree we weren’t to be trusted.

We knew better. We knew that the founding fathers, in spite of being rich white men, knew the meaning of ‘liberty and justice for all’ and ‘all men are created equal’. Those weren’t just words to them. They knew what autocratic government looked like and knew they didn’t want it. This country was going to be a democracy. Of the people, by the people and for the people.

What did we know? We knew that a grimy little con man, sociopathic sexual predator, liar, cheat, bully and opportunistic braggart was not the answer to anyone’s prayers. Certainly not to America’s. But there he was, feet on the desk of the oval office, rattling around in that revered place, eating burgers and fries and tweeting lies.

We held on. We endured daily assaults like so many bombs to our psyches. We hunkered down, covered our heads, found like-minded friends to gather solace from and give comfort to. We protested to anyone who would listen, but mostly we worried. We were affected. Let’s not forget that. It was traumatic to watch our country be so overrun by ugliness. We have wounds that will take a long time to heal. We will always bear the scars to remind us of the damage done by Donald J. Trump and his minions. He hurt us. He cheapened us, and made us ashamed with his ‘us vs. them’ rhetoric, his praise bestowed on the most despicable people we could ever imagine being held up as an example. His firing of almost everyone with any experience at running a government and replacing them with toadies with nothing to offer the job but money in his pockets, his insulting our allies, his willful rolling back environmental protections of the land we leave to future generations for oil–oil that won’t even be relevant in the decades to come. Instant gratification in place of preparation for the future. Tossed out the playbook for how to protect people in times of cholera and then went to play golf while hundreds of thousands died on his watch. Then, the ultimate insult–denied due process.

He lost because enough people couldn’t stomach the idea of four more years of death and destruction and disregard for anyone but himself. Enough people voted for the other guy. The time from the day of the election until the storming of the Capitol was some of the most upsetting any of us ever lived through. As if the previous four hadn’t been enough.

We don’t realize how affected we were.

But we need to. We need to acknowledge that we need comfort. Even though there’s no chaos doesn’t mean we’re not still in turmoil–inside. None of us feel that we can truly relax. And we’re probably right not to. We need hugs in times when hugs are dangerous. These are perilous times. I hear, “Be kind to yourself.” I get it and I try. But what makes me happiest is when some random person is kind to me. I thanked a woman for being willing to stop and give me directions today, in this ‘we’re all enemies’ culture. She smiled and said, “You’re welcome.” Imagine that.

The kindness of strangers is what we need more of right now.

Here’s the thing: we Biden voters care as much about the country as you do. We get it that you really miss your daily dose of drama. Drink more coffee, go bungee jumping or hang gliding. Do something that gets the adrenaline going so you’ll feel like you did when you got to wake up each day to a new dozen tweets. If you still believe the election was stolen, I suppose there’s nowhere to go with that until you resolve it for yourself. But for those of you who figure 60 plus lawsuits and a rejection by the Trump-appointed Supreme Court is enough to accept that the vote wasn’t really rigged, and you are just angry or sad that your candidate didn’t win, how much longer do you need? Because this isn’t about you. Or us. It’s about the fact that we as a country are in crisis and can’t afford to be fighting among ourselves any longer. A house divided, remember? United we stand; divided we fall? Form a more perfect union? Those are bedrock principles upon which this country was founded. None of us gets everything we want, but in the last couple of centuries there have been years of Republican leadership and years of Democrats leading—none of which destroyed us. This won’t either. We get it that Joe and Kamala weren’t your choices; we’ve been down that road, too. We see that you’re afraid of the decisions he/they will make that will make you unhappy. But, honey, come on. The day after the election, you woke up in the same bed in the same house with the same people around you that were there the day before. You have all the same stuff you had before. Nobody took anything away from you. Day didn’t turn into night. Your individual lives didn’t change all that much. Sure you’re worried, and no one’s asking you not to be. We’re just asking you to ease up on the hate-filled rhetoric. Stop repeating the lie that socialists are going to bury you with new taxes and brown and black people are going to take away your houses, and that you won’t be able to go to church. There are no pedophiles in the oval office—just a tired, but vastly experienced, seventy-eight-year-old grandfather and a smart, mocha colored woman with a vision of how to heal the country. They earned a turn to try. It’s called an election. They won. Your guy lost. It happens. Over and over again. It will again. Maybe next time you’ll be happy. Maybe not. It’s not going to make a meaningful difference in our individual lives, so why can’t we go forth and help our neighbors, get our shots when they’re available, and do whatever it is we were doing before we were whipped into a frenzy and told we were enemies. We’re not. It’s not us and them anymore in spite of what you were told. Not a single sane person alive right now doesn’t want the country to flourish. No one prays for defeat, do they? Are you so petty that if it’s not your guy, you actually want us to fail? Because if that’s true, help me to understand how you justify that attitude. Small, ego-centric children get mad when they don’t get their way. We understand that their brains aren’t developed enough to accept that life will deal some blows and some rewards and that a mark of maturity is to be gracious about disappointments and to avoid gloating when you win. But when you’re old enough to vote? We expect that by then, you do know all those things. And that even though it’s hard, especially when you’ve been told by someone you trust that what you see with your own eyes and hear with your own ears isn’t so, you will suck it up and do what’s best for your country. What do you say?