I’m seeing a trend. I’m not the first to notice it, needless to say. Others more eloquent than I have written about it. I touched on it in one of my past posts that encouraged everyone to widen their circle of friends rather than, as the latest best seller Let Them advises, cutting people out of their life. It feels like the self-help warnings have to do with making sure you take care of yourself even if it means being a jerk.

To be clear, I’m not a proponent of toxic relationships. I mean for God’s sake nobody should make themselves a doormat simply to be with someone. Alone is not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, there’s probably a lot to be said for it—at least until you get into your eighties and need someone to hoist you off the floor because you got down there to look for a lost earring and you can’t get up. This is when those of you who live alone can tell me that’s why you do chair yoga and to mind my own business. If so, I’m not being very clear, am I?

Let me tackle it from another angle: We’ve all heard the line, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” Romantic, huh? Gag. Sets my teeth on edge. Who in the world wants to be a “thing” that “happened to someone?” Holy cow. So where am I going with this and how can I tie it into my central theme, if I even have one? Okay, it’s this: When you love someone it’s for them, not you. If lust is involved, well, we know what you love about them, but set that aside for a minute. Maybe you love the way they laugh, and sing off key and even the way they think for heaven’s sake. How their mind works, the kindness they show to animals and strangers, the way they worry about that dog you saw in the rain. You find that dear, and you want to be with them for all those reasons, not because they make YOU feel or because they are in YOUR life, and not because of any way they make YOU FEEL. Get it?

And to get back to where I left off, if you’re maybe thinking you’d rather do your nails than to hang out with friends because they’ve invited that one friend that annoys you, and you don’t have to be annoyed when you can…what? Watch brain rotting garbage on TV? What if that annoying friend really needs a little company? You can’t be bothered to put yourself out for a few hours because you’ve read that you don’t have to be nice to people if you don’t want to be. Because it’s all about you, isn’t it, precious? It’s about what you deserve and what don’t have to put up with.

Good grief. When did we get so selfish? It’s like “Just Say No.” Remember that one? It was about something else, but the negative message was the same. And it didn’t help anything at all. I’d vote that “yes,” is something that needs to be said more often. Nevertheless, a best seller has just given us permission to reject our fellow human beings if they don’t make us happy. Holy cow. When did we forget that we’re social creatures? There’s no hope for us if that’s the best advice we can get. Besides, our happiness isn’t the be-all, end-all, of our existence.

Learning something new every day was once something to strive for. Having a purpose, however tiny, meeting our obligations, showing up, doing something right and good even if we won’t get recognized for it, standing up to cruelty, cleaning up after ourselves, helping someone. That reminds me: I remember hearing about a conference on how to create a better world where industry giants were invited to present their ideas. A Hilton (Nicky, I think, but I’m not sure) proposed his answer: “If everyone would tuck the shower curtain into the tub.” That’s all he said. The message: Do your part.

And, for pity’s sake, stop bragging about all the people you’ve let go of.

Opinions? Have at it. The floor is yours.