What do we deserve?

I’ve been thinking about the word ‘deserve’ lately. It’s a loaded word, in my mind. To say, they “deserve” that vacation/their promotion/to treat themselves/to have good fortune . . .” means what, exactly? And what does it say about everyone else? That they didn’t deserve?

It reminds me of the people who give God credit for saving one person in a car full of fatalities. Or saving someone they loved when disaster struck. There’s an element of deserving there. But what about everyone else?

I realize I’m splitting hairs again. It all came from a recent purchase I made and was re-thinking the cost. My husband said, “Keep it; you deserve it.” From that innocent exchange, my brain went where it sometimes goes, and I wondered about the word. After that, I heard it several times elsewhere and realized that it’s a pretty common concept.

It says something about us as a species. Sets us apart in that we have this egocentric way of viewing the world and its rewards and punishments. I realize that because some one person “deserves” the reward for effort expended over and above (although the judge of that might be suspect depending on who the evaluation committee was), that doesn’t necessarily mean that the other folks working on the same project don’t deserve recognition.

Which must be why Academy Award recipients work so hard to give credit to every single person, no matter how far down the totem pole, involved in the film. They know that just because they’re the one(s) holding the gold statue, they could not have won that prize without the contributions of all the people, large and small, wealthy and salaried, talented and not, who made it possible.

In a normal person’s life, how do we acknowledge those who contribute to our deserving of good things?

Do I credit the fact that was born to an intact, white, middle-class family who mostly had my best interests in heart? That their place in the unspoken hierarchy put them on top with pale ancestors? That they spoke well and read? That they afforded me an education? That I took off and explored other parts of the country and met all kinds of people? That I absorbed character-building experiences everywhere I went? That I met and married a man with ambition to enjoy some wealth and comfort—and yes, even adventure—for his family? That I gave birth to two generous children who are grown and who also consider my best interests as a top priority?

Do all those circumstances and all those people deserve credit for my deserving?

Surely my husband’s comment took none of those factors into consideration. He meant that I work hard doing things he doesn’t think I should have to do—like take care of him. That’s all he meant. He thinks I deserve good things.

But it got me pondering about the concept of deserving.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.